Sunday, January 17, 2010
The Issue at Hand
This blog was created to help ease the tension in the apartment which has been building ever since our lovely roommate, Caroline, has decided to go vegan.
Now Caroline used to be a happy, well adjusted human being. We have long accepted the fact that she is a ginger--we no longer judge her for this trait which is beyond her control. However, the militant veganism has gotten out of control. We were okay with the initial no-thank-you-I-would-not-like-any-of-your-tartare's and please-stop-pouring-honey-all-over-my-body's. Now our chicken and milk are disappearing from their respective storage places... AND THE STORY CONTINUES!
The final straw came last week, when she ruined a romantic encounter with my new hooker girlfriend. We were alone in my apartment together, and she was wearing her old prom dress (I'm telling you--she is BANGIN'!) as we slow danced to Lady Gaga. I was tellin her that we can't have any sexi time until she gets rid of her crabs (I'm not one to judge). All of a sudden, Caroline comes FLYING into the apartment, in full fury, flipped on the lights, and began lecturing me about the importance of EVERY SINGLE LIFE which currently exists between my girlfriend's legs.
Notice the shocked face.
Now Caroline used to be a happy, well adjusted human being. We have long accepted the fact that she is a ginger--we no longer judge her for this trait which is beyond her control. However, the militant veganism has gotten out of control. We were okay with the initial no-thank-you-I-would-not-like-any-of-your-tartare's and please-stop-pouring-honey-all-over-my-body's. Now our chicken and milk are disappearing from their respective storage places... AND THE STORY CONTINUES!
The final straw came last week, when she ruined a romantic encounter with my new hooker girlfriend. We were alone in my apartment together, and she was wearing her old prom dress (I'm telling you--she is BANGIN'!) as we slow danced to Lady Gaga. I was tellin her that we can't have any sexi time until she gets rid of her crabs (I'm not one to judge). All of a sudden, Caroline comes FLYING into the apartment, in full fury, flipped on the lights, and began lecturing me about the importance of EVERY SINGLE LIFE which currently exists between my girlfriend's legs.
Notice the shocked face.My date promptly exited the building and hasn't answered any of my 32,355,238 telephone calls. THIS IS A PROBLEM!
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